They’re Starting to Get It!

Want a sneak peak of this summer’s weather? This is from the Weather Channel and I don’t agree with them all the time, but I think they are pretty much on this…

I’ll give  you another hint. That’s what it’s going to look like this winter too. El Nino is forming off the coast of S. America and we’re going to see the beginning of that this summer.

It was a great weekend.

Kandace clogged up a storm…

Clara was a pretty little peppermint…

Sure proud of my dancers!

And then…it was year #7.

63 teenagers.

What am I talking about?

Rite of Passage of course…

Here’s one of the eight young adults to go through Rite of Passage this year.

That’s Brooke Phillips.

Here’s the entire crew…

That’s a fine looking crew isn’t it!!

That was the banquet on Saturday night. We had a wonderful barbeque dinner with the families.

I have such a heartfelt passion for our young adults. I love them and their families dearly!

On Sunday morning we had the ceremony. We symbolize the fact that these young adults are receiving the baton of faith from their parents.

Here’s the pass from the Keith and Kim Anderson to their son Scott…

Look at the resolve on Scott’s face:

This fire’s me up!

This is one of my most favorite moments in our church life each year. We are coming alongside the parents and saying, “We value and love your children and we want to see them be about the Father’s business and grow as young adults.” It’s wonderful!!

Another fantastic year and another fantastic crop of young adults. Way to go young men and young ladies!

You know what…

This is beginning to catch on. I’ve been talking about this for a long time. So has Dr, David Black.

I was introduced to this book back in 2007, but he wrote it in 1999. Brother Dave…folks are starting to get it.

I got this in the mail the other day at church…

1/168. Many churches only have 1 hour out of 168 hours each week to disciple the next generation: IT’S NOT ENOUGH. Here’s the backside of the card…

There are some really big-time “Youth” names on there like Greg Stier of Dare 2 Share. They are starting to get it. They are starting to see that you can’t just entertain young adults (teens) and think they will hang around after they graduate. We have to do two things:

#1 Make CERTAIN they are truly born again

#2 Involve them. Give them a job

If we’ll do these two things…then the church becomes their church, and NOT just their mom and dad’s church.

I just taught this at the Raleigh Chinese Christian Church.

This is the youth pastor, Pastor Jerry.

We look like brothers don’t we. He desires to move the church in the direction of ROP.  I really love those dear folks down there in Cary, NC.

As you know I was recently in Kentucky teaching this. Point is… I really believe folks are starting to get it!

I mentioned in the last post about the myth of the modern gospel message. I’ll return to that next time. Truth is…there are a lot of myths in Christendom today. I so wish we could get back to following Scripture and not these “flash in the pan” methods.

 

 

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Old Things

I want to show you a picture of an old couple…

Oops… No…that’s not right…

This would be the picture of an old couple…

Pam looks awesome! But, me… Man…I have changed a ton, wouldn’t you say? I was so thin and had such a good looking head of hair! 🙂

Things change…

But, they have changed for the good too. When that first picture was made, these folks didn’t exist in our lives…

So, I’m grateful! No…check that… I’m more than grateful. I’m ecstatic!!!

Here’s the family on Sunday up at my mom and dad’s after hiding Easter eggs…

Pretty fine looking crew if you ask me!

I’m sure you could show me pictures of how you have changed too. And I’m certain you have been blessed in many ways as well.

Old things…

I like old things. Truth is…the older I get the more I like old things. I guess it makes we feel younger.

I like old phones… I like eating at Cracker Barrel and seeing old signs and old-timey candy. It’s just fun!

As you know…my all time favorite TV show is The Walton’s. I really only like the years that had “John Boy” on there. It’s kind of like when Don Knotts (Barney Fife) left The Andy Griffith Show…it wasn’t any good after that. Recently Ralph Waite (John Walton) died and I saw this 1 1/2 minute spot about him on the INSP network last night and I looked it up. It’s a good one…

http://moments.org/ralph-waite-means/

He got his priorities right and returned to the “old things,” which was his faith in Christ. The problem is that this is an anomaly. This doesn’t happen much anymore. We continue to lose our young adults at an alarming rate to the world (even those who profess to be followers of Christ).

This Sunday, I’ll be in Raleigh speaking at the Raleigh Chinese Christian Church in Cary, NC.

I spoke there last year and they’ve asked me to come back. (I guess I did something right. :))

Here’s the flyer on it that the church has on their website…

It’s a quick-hit day. I’ll be on the road by 6 am Sunday and back around 9 pm Sunday night. Our mission team that just got back from Mexico will be sharing this Sunday at Mt. Pleasant. Don’t skip out on our folks! 🙂

I tell you this to say this. As I was preparing for this one-day conference, I stumbled across something I wrote all the way back in 2008 about Youth Ministry. It’s old to some degree. Mainly because it’s been six years ago. In our church, that almost seems like a life-time. But, the truth of what I wrote back then remains the same in my heart today.

Adult-Centered Youth Ministry

11.27.08                                                                                                                                                           

For almost 17 years I taught the Youth class (7^th grade through 12^th grade) at my church. For two years, I served as Associate Pastor with responsibility for all Youth and Children activities. However, as the years went along I had to stop and think and really take an honest and objective assessment of the results we were getting and had gotten over the previous 17 years. In all honesty, I was disappointed in what I was seeing. During that time, I had also become quite convinced we do not need more programs, nor more bells and whistles, nor more activities for our young adults (youth). I was seeing statistics as reported by the George Barna Research Group and Josh McDowell Ministries that showed we were losing our Christian young people to the world in large part by the time they turned 20 years of age. Why? Because many were not truly born again and most were not engaged in the inner working of the church. I became utterly convinced we must raise the bar and integrate our young adults (teens) into the total life of the church.

 

The Lord began to reveal to me that in order to hold on to our young adults, we needed to concentrate our full, undivided attention on holding them responsible and accountable for their attitudes and behaviors. For sure, I knew some people wouldn’t understand. But on the other hand, I knew what the Lord was showing me in His Word regarding moving children to adulthood.

 

It is time we “raise the bar” for our young people. A truly Biblical and Christ-driven approach can and must form the core of what a church does in regards to the young adults and children attending there. And that core is this: the overall objective in youth work must be to lead teenagers to Christian maturity (1 Tim 4:12). If we are not leading them to mature Christian adulthood, we are spinning our wheels, spending a lot of money on activities and staff, but ultimately are failing to accomplish God’s objective for teens: maturity that leads to adulthood.

 

Below is a process for leading children, teenagers and young adults to Christian maturity that involves at least four basic commitments on the part of a church.

 

1. Resist the temptation to give in, promote and push an “adolescent” approach to youth ministry.

Dr. David Black, professor of New Testament and Greek at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, and a very dear friend and a mentor of mine, wrote a wonderful book entitled: The Myth of Adolescence. It totally changed my understanding of youth ministry and raising and training my own four children. The book details and defines what the Bible teaches about the stages of life. Did you know the Bible has nothing to say about an “adolescent” stage in life? In Scripture, there are two types of people: children and adults. Unfortunately, in our society adolescence has become a waiting period of leisure with few responsibilities and little or no meaningful contact with adults for our young people. This isolation from adults is one of the most harmful developments of adolescence and has provided a breeding ground for the rampant feeling of alienation among our youth today.

 

According to Dr. Black, the way you can tell that someone believes in an adolescent approach to youth ministry is by the programs they develop to segregate youth from adults. He goes on to say, “Most youth ministries have their own Sunday School, youth missions, youth small groups, youth worship, youth evangelism teams, youth choir, youth discipleship programs, youth retreats, and youth outings. Youth leaders, who have swallowed the myth of adolescence, assume that by isolating the youth into their own independent subgroup in the church they will be better able to instill in them Christian values. The truth is that this solution is worse than the original problem.”

 

Studies show most teens lose interest in the church during the seventh through twelfth grades. This is because they have simply been “entertained.” Seldom do churches today seek to integrate them into the body-life of the church (which involves responsibility, not just fun and games). A church should focus on helping young people make the transition from childhood into adulthood spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. The Bible clearly teaches that it’s the parents (Dads leading) who are the ones responsible for raising their children spiritually (Ephesians 6:1-4, Deut. 6:1-10, Hebrews 12:5-11). Yes, the church should come alongside and help the family do this important work. But, the church should never give the impression to the parents that they (the church) will do the job of spiritually training their kids for them. It’s the churches job to help integrate even young people who don’t have parents actively involved in the church by “adopting” them into families within the church who can help mentor them (Titus 2); thereby showing them what a family structure should look like in our culture today.

 

2. Integrate teens with adults in every typical church setting and activity.

This is a step that most churches are afraid to take. Why? Because the culture has split our children into “graded” categories in everything they do…from school, to teams and now…even in the church. Some churches today never had the children or teenagers in the regular worship service with the adults. You will never find this occurring in the pages of Scripture…not even once!

 

Mark DeVries, a former youth pastor, in his book, Family-Based Youth Ministry said, “Teenagers will not learn the skills required of mature adults in a peer-centered youth Sunday-school class. They will not learn these skills by talking with their friends. The process occurs as the less mature repeatedly have opportunity to observe, dialogue and collaborate with the more mature.”

 

Many Christian churches across America today are seeing the merit of integrating young adults (7^th-12^th grades) into a Sunday School (Bible Study) class that is led by adults and mixed with adults. This class is often called a “Mentoring Class.” This model is taken from Scripture as Jesus modeled discipleship to His young Apostles (whom, scholars tell us were mostly teenagers other than Peter, who was married) and the Apostle Paul with young Timothy and Titus.

 

Therefore, Youth can and should:

• read Scripture during the worship service
• usher and pass out bulletins
• sing with the adult choir
• help with teaching younger children’s Sunday School classes with their parents
• serve as greeters
• go on missions trips with other adults
• attend “adult” Sunday School classes
• help operate the audio/video equipment for services
• help in all areas of the church (i.e., with preparation and clean-up for meals), etc.

 

Our young adults do all the above at our church. The wonderful thing about this is the transformation we have seen in our young people. They have “ownership” in what is going on in the church. It’s not just their parent’s church, they say, “It’s my church.” If a young person, or anyone for that matter, feels like they are making a difference and have a stake in what’s going on, they will be much less likely to abandon the church when they leave the church for college or work. Even when they move away for college or work, they will find a church and seek to plug-in. Therefore, it is essential that we not deny young people this kind of involvement with adults. If we do, we will be sending our teenagers into the world without truly preparing them for the challenges of adulthood. Ultimately, if they relate only to their peers, they will most likely remain trapped in immaturity. On the other hand, young people who have been fortified with significant adult relationships are consistently the ones who exhibit responsible behavior and who are able to resist involvement in negative behaviors such as rebellion, drug abuse, and promiscuity.

 

Thus, the most important foundation a youth ministry can have in its work with teens is providing them with opportunities for significant dialogue and relationships with mature Christian adults, which will lead to belonging, involvement and service. This is especially important for those teens who do not come from Christian homes and who therefore need a circle of adult Christians to model the Christian life for them. Again, a church should seek to develop a culture whereby young people in this condition are “adopted” into a family within the church. Yes, this can get messy. But, our young people need more than a room to go to and play video games and eat pizza and have a short devotion. They need to see what a biblical “home” looks like. Churches should seek to take youth who come to their church without parents and “adopt” them into families who have a desire to mentor that young person while they’re at the church and “show them” what a family looks like Scripturally.

 

3. Reject the myth that healthy development among youth requires a strong break with their parents.

Although peers exercise some control over a teen’s choice of dress, music, and entertainment, only when parents are extremely negligent, do peers exercise more control over the teen’s choice of beliefs and relational styles than their parents. It remains a fact that in the vast majority of cases parents remain the single most important influence in the development of a teen’s character and personality. Children desire experiences with their parents. An article in the Journal of Research on Adolescence, concluded that (1) equating the youth years with inevitable rebellion is inaccurate; (2) the predictable disintegration of parent-teen relationships is false; and (3) teens are more likely to support parental values than to be in conflict with them. This means that more of our programs in church need to be designed for the youth themselves to serve and lead while providing them with mature mentors (which includes their parents).

 

To implement the ideas detailed above, I implemented what is called: “Rite of Passage” (ROP) in our church. ROP is a process for our young people whereby, when they turn twelve, they can participate in a program that will acknowledge them as a “Young Adult” in the church. This program has been invaluable in letting our young people know what the expectations are of their parents, the church and God, as we take what the Bible says about becoming young adults. We do not have a “youth” pastor, because we don’t see this role depicted in Scripture. I encourage “Youth Pastors” to change their title to “Family Pastor.” Why? Because, the main strategy of a church (regarding young people) should be to come alongside and assist parents in raising Christ-Centered young adults…not doing it for them. Parents, particularly fathers, are going to be held responsible and accountable by the Lord in how they raise, teach and train their children in the discipline of the Lord. (Eph. 6:4)

 

An adult-centered youth ministry is not a program to be added to a church’s educational ministry plan. Instead, it is a foundational model with one primary goal: to equip all believers (youth included) to grow toward mature and responsible Christian-adulthood. If this becomes a church’s priority, it will radically effect that church’s philosophy of youth ministry. Instead of trying newer and newer gimmicks to get youth to attend our “programs,” we will simply teach, train and equip our young people and show them that we value, love and appreciate them enough to include them in the body-life of the church.

 

4. This model is not something “new,” but something “old” that comes directly from the Bible.

What has been described is not a “new” model or philosophy for youth ministry. It is simply a return to God’s design for the church as detailed in the Bible (Luke 2, Deut. 6, Heb. 12, Eph. 6, and the Proverbs). Jesus had no organizational chart or curriculum. His priority was to call his youthful disciples “to be with him” (Mark 3:14). Jesus’ ministry was relational, and ours should be the same. The Christian faith becomes real to teenagers when they see it lived out in real-life situations. In short, an adult-centered youth ministry is not about creating special programming for young people. The goal is to provide them with the kind of foundational relationships with Christian adults that will lead them to spiritual maturity. In doing so, we seek especially to connect youth from non-traditional homes, (divorced, blended, etc.), with adult mentors. If our youth ministries are to become Biblical and have a meaningful impact, they must reject the traditional model of highly programmed activities and entertainment and instead give the central place to connecting young people to mature Christian adults. Why? Because if we don’t, we will continue to lose our young people to the culture, as they leave our churches in their early 20’s.

 

Churches should become committed to strengthening families by keeping them together as much as possible. We should be very careful not to over-schedule activities at the church, so we can allow families time to truly be a family during the week. In our church, our teens function in every possible position of service. We work very hard to provide activities which allow participation with adults and in family oriented settings. The goal is NOT just to group the young adults together for “play” or “entertainment.” We do not want to foster or reinforce to them that they have an identity separate from the rest of the adult community in the church. Please understand, it is not my that God does not work in youth groups, but rather He can accomplish the much, much more when teens are elevated to their high calling within the general body of believers.

 

In conclusion, during their teen years, when young adults are told they are not needed by society, they have a special need to “belong” to a community. Thus, while waiting for “adult” status as defined by their culture, they need to have a sense of belonging to a group of people they respect and from whom they can receive recognition. Our churches must rise to the occasion. If we, as adults make the church a community to which young people want to belong, we will be helping our teenagers move more smoothly into mature adulthood. Ultimately, the Body of Christ becomes a significant factor in the moral and spiritual development of our young people. Not surprisingly, when teenagers are treated with respect and are shown that they are valued, they will reject the self-absorption of immaturity and rise to the occasion of becoming a young adult who spiritually flourishes.

 

To God be the glory!

Pastor, D. Kevin Brown

Mt. Pleasant Baptist Church

Wilkesboro, NC

http://www.mpbc.ws

 

So, I’ll be in Cary on Sunday. I’ll be sharing how to implement these things in the Church and home. Pray for me that I might effectively share these principles and they may be heartily received. They are good, good folks down their in Cary. I can’t wait to renew old friendships!

Old things…

I love them…

And that includes the principles and tenets taught in the Word of God. I love young people and I love families and I love my family. My heart is full considering all the “old things” I have to be grateful for today!

 

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The Three Things You Must Remember

When I was a boy I was told that three most important things to remember in life are:

#1 People are more important than things

#2 People are more important than things

#3 People are more important than things

Do you agree? I think you probably do. Then why do we go after the “things” so much? Why do we work so hard for stuff…material possessions? Why is it that the desire to be comfortable in this life drives us to be uncomfortable because of all the hours we work and time we miss with our families? What’s really important in life? People or things?

I think we’d all say: PEOPLE.

I try to practice what I preach, albeit not too well at times. One of the things I had promised Andrew that we would do is join a group called “Contenders.” It’s a group of dads and sons that seek to follow the Biblical admonition to be “contenders of the faith.” Clara and Pam are going to a group for moms and daughters called “Keepers of the Home.” It’s important to spend time with our kids. We all know that. And I thoroughly enjoy my time with my children.

Contenders meet twice per month on Monday nights. Here was our project for the first night:

See all of those tools lying there. That’s the project. Learn the tools by name and what they do and then use them. Here’s some other dads and sons…

Yep…people are more important than things.

Here’s another proof of that.

Recently our “Mentoring Sunday School Class” had an outing called, “Survivor” at the home of Mark and Kathy Eller (a wonderfully hospitable couple in our church). What is a mentoring class? Well, we take the concept from our Rite of Passage philosophy. What’s that? (We’re getting deeper and deeper aren’t we? :))

I wrote this book 2 1/2 years ago…

In the book I chronicle the fact that the church can come alongside families and encourage the family to teach and train their children in their homes in an intentional purposeful way. Jesus at the age of 12 said, “Didn’t you know I had to be about my Father’s business?” Thus, at age 12, Jesus was seeking the things of God. He set the example for all of our children. We push that at the church. We push that to the Dads. We push that to the moms. We don’t have a youth group or children’s church, or even a nursery. Everything we do is via the conduit of the family. We believe that’s Biblical.

One of the ways we seek to raise the bar for our young adults is to encourage them to take ownership of their faith. From the age of 12 and up, you can go to any Sunday School/Bible Study class in the church you desire. You can go with your parents to their class, or you can go to our “mentoring class.” The mentoring class is something we’ve taken from Titus 2, where Paul admonishes Titus to encourage the older to teach the younger. We have parents and other adults in the class along with our young adults. We don’t just have a room full of teenagers with one teacher trying to maintain order and keep everyone off their cell phones. No sir. We don’t have that problem. We’ve mixed adults with young adults. Isn’t that the way life is going to be. Since when do you work with peers who are all your same age or within 2-3 years of your same age? That’s not “REAL WORLD.”

So, we don’t spoon-feed our young adults. In fact we don’t even use the term “youth.” It has a negative connotation in many respects. So, “Young Adults” it is. Because that’s how we want them to see themselves. YOUNG ADULTS. So…get this…in the mentoring class they actually often teach the class. Yes, they are expected to learn the Scriptures well enough to teach them. Think about it. If they can do Algebra, Biology and Chemistry, they can certainly learn to teach from the Word of God.

So, back to “Survivor.” Annually, the mentoring class goes to this wonderful couple’s home on W. Kerr Scott Lake in Wilkesboro and the young adults have a blast competing against each other in bicycle races, swimming, canoeing and the like. But, here’s my favorite part…

See the man in the orange T-shirt? That’s Wayne Shepherd. He’s the teacher of the Mentoring class and he’s also the Principal of West Wilkes High School, where the majority of our young adults end up in high school. (We do have some at Wilkes Central High School and a few at North Wilkes High School and a bunch of homeschoolers.) Wayne has been leading the class in teaching from the books of Job, Ecclesiastes and even some of my Wednesday evening teaching on 1 Timothy. If they get the question right, they get a piece of candy and their team gets a point in the “Survivor” contest. Man are those young adults getting it and they are having fun in the meantime!

Yes, learning the Bible is fun and you learn it best when you have to study, prepare and then teach it! You know that if you’ve ever taught a Sunday School lesson or a Bible Study.

Did you see those smiles? Yep…people are more important than things.

All the family comes…not just “youth.”

More great pictures:

See the man in the green hat? That’s Mark Eller. He is our host.

The ladies were on the “red team.”

Guys are on the “blue team.”

The ladies won the doughnut passing contest…

The two-legged, one-blind-folded race was super!

Race those canoes!!!

First team with all team members to the dock win!!!

Okay…here’s another example of the joy of people versus things. It comes by way of some scenes from our annual Deacon/Staff dinner at our home this past Saturday. We had such a blast. I am so blessed to serve with such wonderful people.

This is one of my favorite pictures. That’s Ken Bryan. He gave me permission to show you this picture.

He’s on a diet. Can you tell. His wife, Renee said, “Are you kidding me?” 🙂 He told Renee and me that there was fruit on his plate. I counted two strawberries and one cherry. 🙂 Did I tell you about my plate? I didn’t, did I? I don’t plan on it. 🙂

Guilty as charged!

We had close to 50 people at our house! So, we had some tables set up in our garage.

Yes…I’ll say it again… People are more important than things.

I wrote a “Daily Devotion” this morning about this couple…

Don’t recognize them?

Maybe you recognize this good looking couple? 🙂 So let’s review. The three things about life that you must remember:

#1 People are more important than things

#2 People are more important than things

#3 People are more important than things

By the way…just so you’ll know. I’m going hurricane dodging. It’s that time of year. It’s time to head to the coast with the most. We’re off to the beach this Saturday. So, I’ll be signing off for about a week. I’ll miss you. I hope you miss me and mine. 🙂

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This and that…

Here’s a little bit of “this and that” for your reading pleasure…

I received a great email yesterday. I preached a message on handling anger on Sunday. Here is an excerpt from the email.

Just wanted to take a moment and say thank you for your message on Sunday…anger and the battle in the mind! Whew!!  Tough ones!!  I’m going to be clearly open and honest here, and with absolutely no intention as being self righteous.  As someone who has fought through years of depression, anxiety, and yes, even anger, I have sat with more counselors and tried more medication than what I care to admit.  And yes, I do feel at times those things are necessary…and I’m not trying to discourage or belittle the matter in any way.  But, I have found that when I was finally ready to sit with the Great Counselor, be honest with Him ( He knows anyway!!), and allow Him to work in my heart is when the Holy Spirit began to change me.  It’s not been an easy road and the hard stuff in life is never easy, but there are great rewards.  So, I thank you for an encouraging and challenging message.  It couldn’t have come at a better time for this week. And I have used your phrase MUCH this week….”you are responsible for your response.  Do not return evil for evil”…

Isn’t that great? And here’s the cool thing. I don’t preach topical messages. I preach straight through Scripture. I’ve been in the book of Acts for 2 years and 2 months now. I might be done with it by this time next year. 🙂 Anyway, God is the One who orchestrates the messages, not me. So, when Paul blew his stack in front of the Sanhedrin in Acts 23, well…God used that to help a lot of folks deal with anger. Neat! God’s sovereignty at work!

I sometimes talk about the weather and I must tell you that I love the weather. God is in TOTAL control of the weather and mankind can do NOTHING about it (but try to forecast it). There is much talk about global warming and I must tell you that I believe it is WAY overblown. So does this guy.

This is Joe Bastardi. I think I’ve mentioned him before. But, he’s really a good forecaster. He’s on Fox News a lot. The Weather Channel (owned by NBC) won’t touch him. The week of the nasty tornado in Moore, OK…well, he predicted “killer storms” and drew with his pointer over Oklahoma and Kansas. Here’s his latest forecast for the hurricane season and it’s a BIG one!

I guess you heard the Boy Scouts caved in last week. Gay boys can now come into the Scouts. Amazing. The Boy Scouts logo says this…

In my mind the BSA can no longer use this phrase in good faith.  It has demonstrated by its actions that the organization’s values are not timeless, and instead they are governed by changing tides of polls, politics and public opinion. The saddest part of today’s decision is what the organization is teaching our children and young people in the program.  I read a post from an organization that is looking at planning an alternative to Scouts. It’s www.onmyhonor.net. They said this:
 
The BSA is teaching our kids that when your values become unpopular, just change them.
 
The BSA is teaching our kids that when your convictions are challenged, just cave to peer pressure.
 
The BSA is teaching our kids that public opinion polls are more important than principles.
 
The BSA is teaching our kids that you should not stand up for what is right instead you should stand up for what is popular.
 
The mission of the Boy Scouts of America is to “prepare young people to make ethical and moral choices over their lifetimes by instilling in them the values of the Scout Oath and Scout Law.” BSA is teaching our kids through its new mission that we don’t make ethical and moral choices through the values of the Scout Oath and Scout Law but we make them like an unprincipled politician does, by putting your finger in the air and seeing which way the wind is blowing or by looking at the latest polling results. 
 
What kind of a message are we sending to young people about being brave when its top adult leaders don’t even have the courage to stand up to the pressure of a militant lobby when the bullies in Washington DC, Hollywood or even some of their own renegade councils start pressuring and harassing them?  We hoped to keep sex and politics out of Scouting. Now we grieve for those young boys who will not have the wonderful traditions and experiences that so many of us have had in Scouting.

See this young man?

That’s 2013 Class President, Jonathan Harwick of Lincoln County High in Stanford, KY. He’s a hero in my book. He was told not to pray at his high school graduation and he did anyway!  Here’s part of what he said: “Thank you for helping us get here safely today, Lord, and thank you for the many blessings you have given us.” What’s so bad about that? What’s so insidiously evil about that? Here’s the full story if you would like to read it.

As I think about Jonathan, I think about the high expectations we should have for our young people. Yet, many parents are oblivious to what’s going on in their child’s life. Don’t believe me? This quote came from a recent “Rite of Passage” participant in our church when I asked this…

Statistics show 70% to 92% of all Christian young people, who were raised in church, will abandon their faith by their 20th birthday. Why do you think this is so and do you think this could happen to you?
 
Here was a response from one of our young adults:
 
“…in my opinion, the main reason is because of the lack of expectations that their parents request from them while they grow up. Sadly, this example can be easily seen in many teenagers in middle and high school these days. …teenagers…are attending church because they are told to… However, they are actually just living a fake Christian life. Their parents are oblivious to what they are doing with their boyfriends or girlfriends in their “2nd” life and are really not even present in the process of guiding their children on the TRUE Christian path.”

Did you catch the phrase, “…parents are oblivious to what they are doing…” Why is this the case? Is it because we are too busy trying to make money or make sure the kids are in every sport, dance class and extra-curricular activity available? Is it because we are trying to vicariously do through our children what we couldn’t do ourselves?

The same is true in our churches. I read this quote recently…

Youth leaders, in an attempt to be “relevant,” have begun to abandon a true reliance on God’s Word and a deep belief in the inherent power of the Bible. They have lost faith in God’s ability to get his work done through his inspired, written Word. So they try in all sorts of ways to “spice up” the message. They analyze the newest Lady Gaga song. They show lots of YouTube clips to demonstrate their main points…. Talks become more funny, more cute, and seemingly more ‘relevant” … and the Bible plays a less and less prominent role.

Here is what many of us youth leaders have forgotten: the Word of God alone holds inherent, divine power to accomplish the saving work of God in people’s hearts and lives. God’s Word is God’s chosen way to get his work done in student’s lives. So when we make our talks cute, relevant, and funny—and shove the Bible from its rightful prominent place in our teaching—we have stopped grounding our teaching in the only truly powerful foundation: God’s inspired Word.

Jon Nielson, Bible Study: A Student’s Guide (P&R, 2013), 36–37. Full article here…

That’s why I wrote my book! God help us to think! 🙂 So long for now…

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Here’s my point…

I saw this bulletin cover for this Sunday’s “Mother’s Day” bulletins.

Can I be honest with you? (And yes, I know that I’m kind of “over the top” sometimes…so I’m forewarning you! :)) I don’t like that bulletin. There…I said it. Do you want to know why I don’t like the bulletin cover? It’s because it sends a mixed message. It actually is saying two different things. Just so you’ll know…I’m now going to be nit-picking. Okay, here goes. There is a verse listed (small print) on the left-hand side of the bulletin cover. It’s 3 John 4. It’s the verse I use when I sign copies of my book. Can you make it out?

It says: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” 3 John 4

What’s wrong with that? Nothing. It’s wonderful! But, look at what’s on the bulletin. It has nothing to do with a kid walking in the truth. It has EVERYTHING to do with the kid making good grades and being a top student. See it? “Star Student,” “Student of the Week,” “100 with smiley-face.” It’s all there. This is a kid walking in the truth, right? Maybe. Maybe not. Why do we equate good grades with a kid who’s living for Jesus? Why is it that the publisher of this bulletin photo couldn’t find a young adult sharing Christ with someone at a table with a Bible at McDonald’s or something like that? Wouldn’t that scene have gone much better with that verse?

Why do I bring this up? Here’s my point… We should not equate good grades (being a good student) or being a star athlete with “walking in the truth.” Those things can be totally mutually exclusive. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I’d rather my children “walk in the truth of Jesus Christ” and know more about the Bible than Biology, Abraham than Algebra and Jesus than jerseys. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m all for my kids being SMART, and being good at stuff, but not at the expense of being grounded spiritually in the teachings of Scripture. This is why I wrote my book a couple of years ago. You can get the book on Kindle or buy it here… Now let me give a real live example of what I’m talking about. See the young man on the left? That’s Grayson Farmer. He’s 18 years old. Joshua Huffman is holding a sprayer loaded with wonderful barbeque sauce. Grayson led a team of about a dozen men last Friday as we barbequed chicken to raise money for our mission work in Mexico.

Grayson was a participant in the very first Rite of Passage ceremony we had at the church back in 2008. We’ve had 55 young adults go through the ceremony in the last six years. It’s literally changing the culture of the church. The church looks at these young adults as someone not to be entertained, but counted on, relied on and involved. Grayson led us! And so we had Rite of Passage (ROP) last weekend in the church. It’s a big deal! We have a wonderful banquet each year. Want to see some pics? Here ya go… 14 strong this year! Don’t they look good? Who’s that tall, good-looking fella in the back? 🙂 Here’s the Bryan family. Alex is the latest of the children to go through ROP. Ashley, Chandler and now Alex (blue jean jacket) are all ROP graduates! Ty, you’re next! Want to see something hilarious! This is Steve Bryan and me. We were college roommates and have been friends (more like brothers) for over 30 years. Hold on to your seats…you won’t see me like this too much… Ready… I told ya! We were being totally 100% silly! A cheerful heart does good like a medicine! I sure love that guy! Here’s some more great pictures of the banquet… This is the Gold’s family. Trenton is the newest 12-year-old to come through ROP. Here’s the Saffold family. Garry and Tracey are talking with their son, Garrett. Each parent is encouraged to hand write a letter and read it to their young adult at the banquet. There’s never a dry eye in the house during this… Here’s the Wages family… They had two young adults involved. Peter (beside of Dad, Lee) and Julianna (laughing beside of mom, Deb).

Here are two Trenton’s. Trenton Golds (L) and Trenton Teague (R).

Don’t they look sharp! We ask the young men and young ladies to “dress up” to commemorate the occasion.

This is the Helton family on Sunday for the ROP Recognition Service at church. See Kaylee with the baton held high? Each ROP’er gets a baton (representing the Lord Jesus Christ an His truths) passed to them from their parents. That picture really gets me! Just look at that smile! Folks, that’s a young adult who knows her family and her church love her and believes that she can do great things for the kingdom! This is Sherrie Matthew’s daughter in the middle, Lauren (in the green blouse). Sherrie is to her left. She is a wonderful mom and is getting the job done! Here is Lauren with her friend and fellow ROP’er and mission team buddy, Lakyn Parrish. They made a wonderful bond on the mission trip to Mexico a few weeks ago. A wonderful bond indeed! You’ve heard of negative peer pressure. Well, this is positive peer influence!!

It’s one of my most favorite days of the year! It’s such a blessing to see families celebrating the growth of their children in the things of God. That’s truly being excited and being genuine about quoting 3 John 4 (I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.)

That’s the Parks family in the foreground and the Bumgarner family beside of them and then the Harpers and then the Bryans.

I’m so blessed to be part of a church that embraced ROP and now we are seeing the dividends of raising the bar for our young adults and that’s the point of doing!

Earlier this week, (Sunday evening through Wed. morning), our family spent some time in Cherry Point, NC with our oldest daughter, Katy and her husband, Josh (who is a Marine). It was good to catch a couple of days for a break. We hadn’t been down to Cherry Point since December. We had a great time on the beach and eating together…

On Tuesday, we went to Beaufort, NC (about 30 minutes from Katy and Josh’s home).

 We ate together at a seaside restaurant. The kids climbed in trees…

We rode a ferry boat to an island called Shackleford Island where there are wild horses. These horses have been there since swimming ashore from a capsized Spanish ship. They are amazing.

We had a wonderful time ferrying out to the island. The island is 9 miles long and ½ mile wide. It was such an enjoyable time. The horses are amazing! What a tremendous sight!

The good times continued, even up until Clara fell into the ocean! As most places in NC have had over the last several days, the island has gotten a ton of rain and had a lot of beach erosion. Clara got a little too close to the edge and a large chunk of sand broke free and she literally fell in almost over her head. She can swim, so she was never in any danger, and her sister, Kandace, who was closest to her, “fished her out.” All would have been fine, but we had no change of clothes and it had clouded over and begun to rain. The temps fell into the low 60’s and we had a 30 minute wait for the ferry.

So, I took off my white t-shirt (which I always wear under every shirt I wear) and put it on her. We tied it off with a hair band and then put my ball cap on her to hold in the body heat. God’s provision! I even had a handkerchief (which I always carry…just like my dad) to wipe her face.

Well, it gets even better. By the time the ferry came, Clara was very cold. Her blue jeans were sopping wet and even with a dry shirt and ball cap and us holding her close (body heat), she was still cold. As we got on the boat and sat down, an older couple saw her shivering and they offered us a blanket to wrap her in for the 20 minute ride back to the mainland. Here she is…

Katy and Kandace were hugging her close. She was warm and toasty under that blanket. God’s provision. What we didn’t know is what the older lady (I’m guessing she was at least 70 years old) shared with us. She said, “Your daughter picked up a seashell and handed to me that I couldn’t reach.” Clara had never said a word. Clara was living out the golden rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Clara sought to help this older lady who walked with a cane and she did it with no one even noticing. And you know what? God provided for her in her time of need with a blanket.

Now you tell me that’s not the hand of God? We look high and low for great miracles and they are right before our eyes. Amazing! A seashell for a blanket. God’s provision!

Friend…He’ll provide for you too! We just need to trust Him!

Luke 6:38 says:

³⁸ give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”

Clara lived that verse out on Tuesday! And that’s another great point! Blessings all!

 

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Give Them a Job

Last week I wrote about “The Role of the Church with Youth,” and I’d like to follow that up with things we can do to change the culture of our churches where we actually expect something of our young adults (youth). I really believe involvement is the key! We need to give them a job…not entertain our young people. I wrote an entire section about this in my book.

I’m convinced that everyone likes to be needed. When we aren’t part of something, or aren’t involved, then we don’t feel needed. One of the areas where the Church struggles today is plugging in our young adults. We, the Church, must do all we can to integrate our young men and women into every facet of church life. Remember, Jesus was 12 years old when he had to “be about his Father’s business.”

So, why not include our 12 year olds in the adult choir? Why shouldn’t we be training and mentoring them in the various functions of the church (the Father’s business)? Certainly an older soprano in the choir can teach and mentor a younger soprano or an older bass can teach a younger bass. We do this at our church and it’s amazing to see the ownership the young adults have when they have a part or stake in what goes on at the church. The bond that grows between the older teacher and the young apprentice is special as well. When a young person has a job or responsibility, they feel they belong, then the church is no longer just their parent’s church. They say, “It’s my church.” You will hear them say, “I get to sing in the choir at my church.’” It becomes “my” church instead of just a place they are made to go.

In our church, young adults can be ushers and greeters, help teach children’s Sunday school classes and work on local and even international mission projects (as we discussed last time). Young adults can attend any of our adult Sunday school classes, they help run the audio/visual equipment for services, work in Vacation Bible School, volunteer to serve meals to shut-ins, help prepare and serve and clean-up on Wednesday nights for our church-wide meals.

They are being trained to play in the church praise band and regularly participate in our services in music and song, like our Passion Play.

Let me state at this point: young people are not to become substitutes for adults. We recognize they are indeed young adults and they need training and mentoring. Rather, they are essential, complementary components to our more seasoned adults. Again, what we have implemented is what we see in that great mentoring passage in Titus 2, where the older teaches and trains the younger.

We work very hard to provide activities that allow participation with adults in family-oriented settings. The goal is not to group the young adults together for play and entertainment. Doing so only reinforces to them that they have an identity separate from the rest of the adult community. I’m not saying God can’t work in youth group settings. However, I’m convinced the Scriptural path of mentoring and giving our young people a stake in their church is a better way to accomplish the goal of raising Christ-centered young adults and easing the transition between childhood and adulthood. It’s obvious by the mass exodus of our young adults from our churches that “youth ministry” is not very successful.

You see, we are involved in a war for the hearts, souls, and minds of our children and our families. I believe the Church is doing a terrible job of transmitting her religious heritage to the next generation. Sermons in many of our churches are now more “therapeutic” than instructional. Our worship services have become grounded more in what we feel than in what we know and understand about Scripture. In many cases we have stopped training and discipling our people.

Why is it that the Church, in many instances, no longer represents the power of the action of God in the world? We have compromised the gospel of Jesus Christ. The Church has quit training and evangelizing and it is literally dying a slow death in America. This slow death is akin to the proverbial frog in the kettle that slowly has the temperature turned up so that the tepid water eventually boils him to death.

We are being boiled to death by entertainment, “spectatorism” and a cheap, prosperity gospel. Church attendance continues to drop nationwide and we have forgotten the goal of advancing God’s kingdom on earth, instead of our kingdom. The purpose of the Church is to be God’s missionary people in the world. We are to be Jesus’ ambassadors (2 Cor. 5:20). He’s expecting us to make His appeal through us! We are to be adding disciples to the flock, not just fattening those that are already in the flock with entertainment, and fun and games that offer little substance each week.

For many in the current generation, the Church is seen as fractured, segregated, watered-down, and devoid of any cultural relevancy. What passes for Christianity and true discipleship in many of our churches is often just a faint shadow of what the Scriptures actually teach and admonish the Church to be. The typical teen in an American church feels little or no sense of ownership in their church simply because they do not feel they are a part of that church.

My prayer is the Church will get back to being the one Church and function as a complete body again. Leaders, I want to encourage you to involve your young adults in the church. Discourage peer association at times when the worship service is taking place if it is deterring their discipleship or ability to listen and learn. It is sometimes necessary to discourage young adults from going to the back of the church and sitting together slumped down in their seats. Encourage families to sit together. There is plenty of time to socialize with friends before or after the service. What is the purpose for being at church in the first place? It’s to be trained and equipped while being edified and encouraged.

If you have a youth ministry at your church, or you are a youth leader, seek to embrace the facilitator role of bringing families together and seek to minister to the entire family. No longer should you see yourself in the role of having responsibility for raising young adults, instead seek to get the message across to the parents that you are transferring this responsibility back to them. A good intermediate step, (we are doing this at our church), is to have parent/child Bible Studies or Sunday school classes. The youth minister can begin these classes, but gradually hand them off to the parents. Again, if there are activities to be planned like an outing to go ski or ride bikes, plan it as a church-wide activity. We don’t have a “youth” committee at our church. We have a “family” committee. We plan activities for the family that will reach out and impact other families in our community. It is important to get outside of our four walls and no longer just tithe to ourselves, but spend that money on reaching people. Everyone needs to be involved in that process and that certainly includes our young adults. So, let’s give them a job! And when we do, they’ll want to be at church and they will become a productive part of “their” church!

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The Role of the Church with Youth

This past Sunday we had a family with five children join the church. They mom and dad told me how excited they were that we didn’t split their family up as soon as they hit the doors of the church. They were so pleased that we worship as a “family.” We don’t split out the children, youth or anyone for that matter. Yet, people hear this and they say, “That’s great! But what do you do about the teenager who come to church who has no parents with him. What do you do for him?” Or they’ll say, “Hey, it’s great you have families in your church and dad’s who lead their homes well, but there are some dead-beat dads out their today, so what are we supposed to do with the kids of those kinds of dads?”

Well, most churches have asked that question and have come to the conclusion that they must be a substitute where the dads are not getting the job done. Thus, before we realized it, the Church was handling the training for all dads, Christian and non-Christian alike. But, this is a problem. For the past 30-35 years, the Church has undertaken a role that was never intended for the Church to do in the first place. Instead of getting our hands dirty in the hard work of teaching and training, we often want to take the easy way out and hire someone (a youth pastor) to do it for us.

It seems the Church has stepped in to do what we don’t have time for or the appetite to do ourselves. But what do we do when there is a father in the picture who is not a believer or is unengaged spiritually? What about the young adults who have no family in the church? What do we do about them? To answer these questions, we must turn to the teaching of Scripture. We can simply “adopt” these young people into our families. We can mentor them. This means inviting them to sit with of our family during service and making them feel they are accepted and belong. Problem is…in many churches today, the youth are never in the service with the “adults.” This is tragic! Paul instructed Titus to teach the elders in Titus 2 that the old should teach, mentor, the young. How can we do this if they are never with us?

Through the years, Pam and I have “adopted” several young adults into our family. One of which is now our son-in-law. We have tried to model and exhibit what a biblical family is to look like. We plug them in to our family life and we try to show them what a Christian family looks like. The most important part of this process is simply to show them love.

Christopher Schlect, in his book, Critique of Modern Youth Ministry, says it this way:

“Ministering to children of unbelievers need not be as difficult as it seems. These children should be drawn to associate with Christian families that will take them in and mentor them while at church, thereby showing those children the family model as illustrated in the Word of God. Invite them over for dinner, where the Biblical model of the family can be exhibited.”

I believe it is time to get young people out of our game rooms and get them plugged into our churches and get them on the mission field of life. We need to see our young adults as capable of “being about the Father’s business.” We need to expect them to step up to the level of a teenage apostle or Timothy or David.

Does offering more concerts, camps, lock-ins, pizza blasts, zip-lines, ski trips, and the like stand to give us spiritually mature young adults? No, not if that’s all we give them. A steady diet of activities and fun is not what they need or want. Our society’s youth orientation has bred little more than young adults hyped up on the junk food of entertainment and fun, yet they are starving to death and dying for answers to the difficult and tough questions of the day. Our young people sit in our churches week after week and we see them, but are they really there? Are they really engaged? Do they want to be at church or are they just coming because they have to or because they’ve been lured by the fun and games? Doesn’t our focus need to change?

If you think about it, of all the programs in churches which one is most commonly the largest and well funded? The answer: youth programs. It seems that evangelical churches, and many mainline churches, began breaking out the youth in their congregations about 30-40 years ago. In fact, there is a feeling in Christendom that you aren’t doing too well as a church if you can’t fund and hire at least a part-time youth minister of some sort. But, what do youth ministries do? Many of these programs, if not managed carefully, can breed immaturity because they hinder younger people from associating with and learning from their elders. Paul told young Timothy to “flee youthful lusts” (2 Timothy 2:22). Yet, it is common to take the young adults on an outing at night and we have to station chaperones throughout the church bus to make sure everyone is being nice. Is that something we should have to be doing with adults in the church? There should never be a youth function in a church in which everyone, young and old alike, cannot participate. When we go skiing at our church, anyone can come along. When we go ride bikes, any member of the body can and should be allowed to attend. We do mission work as a church family…we never take “youth mission trips.” We do the work as a “church family,” young and old alike.

Here’s one of “family” mission teams from last summer…

The entire Brooks family went on the mission trip…

When we totally separate our young adults from the rest of the church body, we are setting them up for an identity crisis. They don’t know who they are apart from their friends and buddies in the youth group. They know nothing of the functioning of the church, as a whole, outside of their youth room. After all, they have their own culture and music, geared to their own tastes. So, by the time they are 18 and we tell them they must leave our youth groups, they are sent to the grown up church where, in some cases many have never been. It is culture shock to say the least!

Despite all of this, some may think that we are trying to take the fun out of the lives of our young adults. Some say, “They’ve got to be kids. Let them have a little fun.” Please understand, I am not against anyone having fun, but is this the role of the church? Are we supposed to set up our churches to be centers for having fun? Somehow we think teenagers are entitled to more fun than anybody else in the church. We feel we must put something fun on the calendar every week or two, certainly monthly, so they can have a good time. Do we owe any group in the church a good time? Many youth ministries seem to be run like a cruise ship. We hear things like, “When’s the next event? What are we eating, pizza or hotdogs?” No wonder we have such a high turnover rate with youth ministers. It is easy to burn out after two or three years of this kind of activity planning.

Can youth groups be a negative influence on our young people? Yes, unfortunately, I believe, (certainly without meaning to), they can. You see, we place our young people in these peer-driven groups where the spiritual maturity is usually very low and yet we desire for them to grow spiritually. How? How can they grow spiritually in these environments? Most of the time, youth pastors are trying to administrate some sort of crowd control versus being able to really teach. Unfortunately, our young people tend to find their identity in their friends or what they wear, drive or have. Some young people have their entire identity wrapped up in the type of clothes they wear, cell phone they carry and who they are dating. This same mentality often transfers into our youth groups and can even be fed within the youth group.

Through the years, I’ve become more and more dismayed that we no longer mix our young people with our adults in our churches in any way. We keep our youth in their own rooms, as far away from everyone else in the church as possible, in case they get too loud or rowdy. We let them paint the walls tie-dyed…

…put up posters of Christian musicians, many of whom honestly look like leftovers from the 70’s group KISS, and bring in sofas for them to lounge on while they play video games and hang out.

Some youth rooms I’ve seen look more like arcades. Some churches have even given their youth their own building, where they come for an entertainment smorgasbord anytime they want. Is this the structural model we really believe is going to grow mature, solid, faith-filled, Christ-centered, young adults? We must stop kidding ourselves. The numbers, the surveys, and the statistical data do not lie. Many of our young adults continue to abandon their faith and will continue to do so unless we change our strategy and return to a Biblical model.

I believe we have forgotten something in our churches today that once was a powerful tool and still can be: mentorship. For years, even in our secular culture, one had to become an apprentice before he could work a job as a craftsman within a trade. He had to be trained and equipped by an elder who was seasoned, experienced and knowledgeable. The same is true in the church. Churches should work to promote cross-generational interaction as Paul admonished Titus to teach the elders in Titus 2. In separating the youth from the church body at large, we are in essence saying, “Unlike adults, they can’t handle the weighty things of Scripture.”

It seems okay for us to give them a driver’s license at 16 and put them behind the wheel of a 5,000 pound vehicle and turn them loose on our highways. We expect them to learn algebra, chemistry and calculus. Certainly, they can study and learn Scripture as well. Our young people need to be with adults and be trained older to younger. In fact, they will graduate from high school and college and go to work in environments with people of all ages. Only in our schools and churches are our young adults segregated by age. Remember, Paul mentored young Timothy, who was likely in his teens or early twenties. Paul poured his life into Timothy (See 1 and 2 Timothy) and we should be doing the same for young people in our churches. This practice is much more effective than youth programs at large, which are mostly peer driven.

The power of mentorship and the mentorship process is a fundamental ingredient in the Scriptural model that will have a major impact on training and preparing the next generation to carry forth the teachings of Christ. If we can’t get the gospel to the next generation by properly handing off our faith in Chris, then the Church will become impotent and useless. It doesn’t matter what we do with budgets, mission statements, planning committees, and the like. If we don’t transfer our faith in Christ to the next generation, Christianity in America will go the way of Europe, where many of Europe’s beautiful churches have now been turned into pubs, bike shops and municipal buildings.

The Church is to help and partner with the family to grow our young adults in the way of the Lord. We are partners with the family in training our young adults. Again, we don’t do the job for the parents, but partner with them. The church’s vision must shift from a consumer-driven focus regarding our young people, to a partner-driven focus. In other words, the church must stop seeing itself as a vending machine of fun activities to give young people or children something to do to keep them out of trouble. As parents, we must stop seeing the church as a place where we drop off the kids to let the pastors train them or give them a little faith development. This consumer mentality, where we come to church and feed ourselves at the “program” feeding trough, needs to change.

We must return to the Scriptural mandate that the older should teach and train the younger. We must stop thinking the church building and its programs are the conduits through which the gospel is spread. The gospel is spread through people, not programs. What programs existed in the first church? None that I know of with the exception of meeting together to fellowship, break bread, study the gospel and pray (See Acts 2:42-47). Afterwards, they left each other’s homes and went out into their community and shared Jesus. The gospel must travel house by house through the community in the same way it did 2,000 years ago. If we want to have programs, why don’t we set them up to follow the principles outlined in Scripture?

So, for the wonderful family that joined Sunday, YES, they get to worship together and NO, we won’t seperate them as soon as they hit our doors. And no, this is nothing new. This is simply returning to the ancient paths of Scripture (Psalm 78).

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Hodge Podge

The dictionary says the words “hodge podge” means, “a mixture of dissimilar ingredients; a jumble, a mess.”

I believe that describes a lot of young people’s minds today. When I say young people I’ll just say folks under the age of 30. I believe there is a hodge podge of information in their minds and they struggle mightily about what to believe and how they should love. They are mixed up. They have mixed messages floating through their minds and thus, we have a generation of young people who aren’t quite sure who they are, why they’re how or what to believe. And I might say that this is true of “Christian” young adults as well.

Here’s a picture of a “hodge podge.”

Kind of looks messy doesn’t it. Well, it is. That’s what a hodge podge is…by definition…it’s a mixture of dissimilar ingredients, right?

So, I’ll cut to the chase. I study people. I watch families. I try to be an “inspector” of my own family and I’ll be the first to admit that we have our struggles in many areas. But, one thing I have always tried to make crystal-clear with my four children is where we stand regarding the things of God and the application of the Word of God in our lives. We have tried to make Jesus “THE” priority in our lives…not just “A” priority in our lives. We’ve tried not to compartmentalize Jesus to Sunday trips to church and Wednesday night prayer meetings. Pam and I have sincerely and genuinely sought to teach and live the Word of God before our children. Again…there have been times we’ve been miserable failures (me…more so than my bride). Yet, we try to be intentional and live with the purpose of glorifying God. That’s why we’re here, by the way… We’re on this earth to glorify the name of Jesus.

So, I often ask myself some questions.

Kevin, who is really teaching your children? What is their worldview (not mine). Why do they think the way they do?

Have you ever heard your child or grandchild say something and then you ask them: “Where is that coming from? Ive not taught you that!” So many parents tell me they don’t understand why and how their kids think and act they way they do.

You know, I often wish we could somehow open up our children’s brains and look inside look a mechanic does a car when he lifts the hood.

I think we might be surprised at what we find. We might find…

Oh she thinks that way because that’s what her teacher or coach said to her. (This of course can be good or bad…)

He learned that by watching that movie.

She thinks love and relationships is something that this musical artist sings about.
So what kind of worldview does your children’s teachers, coaches, friends, acquaintances have? You know they will become like “who they ‘run’ with.” Can we be very honest here? How much time are YOU spending teaching and training your child versus other influences and people? Think about what else is teaching children. TV and music and video games and YouTubes and Tweets and Texts and “American Idol” and “Biggest Loser” and “Dancing with the Stars.” They bleep out every 9th word and yet we somehow think this is appropriate. But, what are they learning? What is the worldview that they’re catching?

What are the top three influences on your child’s life? How can you tell? Where do they spend the most time and what do they spend the most time doing. It’s in those activities and in those settings that their worldview is being shaped. This is why many parents come to me and say, “Kevin, I don’t get it. I’ve not raised them to be the way they’re acting.”

The middle part of the statement is actually correct. Let me cut it out of that sentence above so we can all see it…

I’ve not raised them…

That’s the problem. Just because they live in our house…eat our food, sleep under our roof and have our last name doesn’t mean that you are raising them. Sadly, many of us think just because we spend an hour or so per day with our kids coming and going from school or pushing them to get their homework done or riding in the car trying to get them from this practice to that lesson…that we are somehow “raising” our children. Truth is…we’re not. They are being raised by where they spend the majority of their time and by whom they spend the majority of their time with on a day to day basis.

Look under the hood again. What do they believe? Ask what they believe about God. Ask them if they believe in God? Ask them if they believe in Jesus? Ask them if they believe there is only ONE way to heaven. Ask them what they believe about abortion (age appropriate of course). Ask them what they believe about homosexuality. Ask them if they believe the Bible is the Word of God. Ask them if they believe Jesus rose from the dead. Ask them if they believe there is a heaven and a hell. Their answers may surprise you. You might be surprised to learn that they don’t think like you at all and you didn’t even know it. You might find they don’t think Biblically about many subjects (even though you do). You might find a “hodge podge” of ideas.

You want to know why? It’s where they are spending most of their time. You see, if they spend a lot of time watching, “Pretty Little Liars,” “16 and Pregnant,” “Glee,” almost any sit-com or reality show on TV today…they will be told that homosexuality is ok. They will be told Christians are idiots and believing in the Bible makes you a closed-minded moron. They will be told dads are buffoons. They will be told evolution is how we arrived on planet earth. They will be told pre-marital sex is ok as long as you love the other person with all your heart. In fact, they will be told…”If it feels right…it’s ok…as long as you don’t hurt anyone.”

Do you see what we’re up against?

We must be intentional with our time with our kids. We must purpose in our hearts to “debrief” each day and find out what they are thinking and what they believe. We MUST teach the Bible and have family devotions and conversation and talk.

I can make this easier for you. I write a “daily devotion” five days per week (Monday through Friday). You can use them with your family. They take 6-7 minutes to read and you can use them as a springboard to talk about the Word of God. All you have to do is click here and enter your email address and in ten seconds you are signed up. They will come to your inbox every morning by 8:30 am.

http://www.mpbc.ws/emailsubscriptions/index.html
If you come to Mt. Pleasant Baptist Church, I want to offer you a copy of my book for free. FREE! Normally they’re $10. I simply want you to pick up a copy as a gift from me to you. I want you to read chapter four, “The Role of the Home in Making Disciples.” It will take you 20 minutes. If you don’t live in our area, email me and I’ll send you a copy (just email me at kevin@mpbc.ws) or if you want to go online and buy one on Kindle for $8 that’s fine too. Click here…

I sincerely want you to know that I care. I care about this generation that we’re losing to so many “mixed messages.”

One last thing. I believe you get out of something what you put into it. If you think that you are going to raise Christ-centered young adults through some sort of osmosis, or because you take them to church and say “grace” before your meals, you are going to be sadly mistaken. It takes much time and much effort. Are you up for the task? Are you up for the job? Are you willing to roll up your sleeves and become intentional with your time and your schedule? If not…this is what you are going to get…

The choice is yours and the choice is mine. I want to give my children Jesus. 100%. Pardon me while I roll up my sleeves…

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What’s Your Passion Dad?

Note: Pictures below are from Pixels on Paper. They are watermarked and can be found without the watermark here…

What’s your passion Dad? Is it work? Sports? Hunting? Fishing? Your kids? Your wife? What’s your passion? What is it that motivates you? What is it that “plows your garden,” “floats your boat?” What “does it” for you?

Can I tell you mine?

I contemplated it at Katy’s wedding a couple of weeks ago.

I was watching Katy and Josh as they shared their first dance and I thought, “Lord, this is what you called Pam and me to do.” And Pam smiles and I tear up. I’m the “softy.” What is my passion? Well there are many things… Ultimately it’s the spread of the Gospel…but, as it relates to my family, my passion would be embodied in 3 John 4:

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

As I walked Katy down the aisle this thought struck my mind as well.

I was telling her how proud I am of her and Josh! I literally was walking with a young lady who is “walking in the truth.” I thought: “That’s it! Mission accomplished!” But, it’s not totally accomplished. Katy will always be my child no matter how old I am or how old she is. Josh is now part of our family so he’s as much a child of mine as Katy. I will “do” for him as I “do” for Katy.

So, I walked her to the altar…

…And I prayed for God’s hand of favor, anointing and blessing on their lives.

And here it is…the moment that I had prayed and fasted about for all of Katy’s life…

I’m “giving away” my girl. I said, “Pam and I wholeheartedly give our daughter to be married to Josh.” At that moment, the process began and was culminated in a matter of a few minutes after vows were made and prayers were prayed. Katy became Josh’s responsibility. He was to now be her “protector, provider and spiritual leader.” Does this mean that Katy is “less than Josh?” Nope. Ephesians 5:21 speaks of mutual submission. Yet, there can only be one person who should bear the weight and responsibility of leading the home. That, according to Ephesians 5:22-31 is the man. Yes, the ground is level at the cross for the man and woman. Equal in the eyes of God. Yet, the man is to lead and bear the burden of the home. The lady was created to his helper. Not the other way around.

So, what does it mean when a father gives away his daughter? How should he bring her to the altar? Answer: PURE. That’s the job of the Father. If he doesn’t do that, then the Bride’s price that is being paid by the groom (in the case of Jesus, it was His life…that was the Bride’s price for the Church to the Father, God) is fraudulent. Biblically speaking, it is my job to bring the bride to the groom, spotless and without stain, wrinkle or blemish, and then it’s the groom’s job to take over this role (according to Ephesians 5:25-30). I write about this in my book at length.

Hey Dad…if you have a daughter still in the home, is she pure? It’s your job to see that she is sexually chaste and a virgin when she comes to the altar. Remember Joseph and Mary? We are coming into the Christmas season. Remember, Joseph was going to divorce Mary quietly because she was found pregnant (and he knew it wasn’t his child). He had been with no woman and she (Mary) was to have been with no man. So, when she was found to be pregnant, Joseph could have sought a certificate of divorce and broke the betrothal. Yet, the angel Gabriel explained in a vision to Joseph that all was ok.

My point is this. Dad’s, we no longer take a real responsibility for our daughter’s purity and virginity. But we should. The Bible teaches it. So, why sir do you allow your daughter to date guys you know nothing about? Why don’t you have the young man come sit on your sofa and declare his “intentions” for your daughter? I’ll tell you why we don’t. Because we (even Christians) no longer follow the teachings of the Bible…we follow the ways of man! I can’t say that strong enough. Let me put another couple of exclamation points at the end of this sentence!!! Dad’s we need to WAKE UP! I’m so burdened about this. We are delivering our sons and daughters to the marriage altar who are broken and unchaste and we think nothing of it. God help us!

When I handed Katy over to Josh, I didn’t guess if she was a virgin, pure and chaste…I knew it! Why? Because I was the one who was to be her protector and that includes protecting her purity. Most dads are totally in the dark on this subject and they let their sons and daughters run around with raging hormones and never consider the consequences. Well, I say to you respectfully, you’ve been told. Now you know the truth and you are responsible for it and how you will handle it.

And so, I could relax and smile as Katy looked at her husband…her Knight in Shining Armor…

And then it was time. Time for the first kiss.

Yep…Katy saved her first kiss for her wedding day. And that’s how it should be. Weddings in Scripture were consummated by sexual intercourse. Sorry to be graphic, but read about Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 24 to see a first-hand look at this. So, the hugging and kissing that we think are so innocent for our children in their “casual dating” is like opening up the presents before Christmas.

So I smiled and Pam smiled and we had a great sense of satisfaction watching our daughter’s first kiss. And so the wedding concluded and our joy was complete…

So, there’s my passion. Right there in the photo. I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. That’s my job…my first responsibility of ministry…right in my home…

Dad…what’s your passion?

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Self-control

See this…

That’s a check-out aisle in a supermarket and I despise them. I don’t like them for two reasons. The first reason is all the provocative and sensual magazines that are there for my kids to see. (40 years ago many of those magazine covers would have been considered pornography.) Secondly is all the candy and gum found there. It’s a self control nightmare. I have to keep my eyes from staring at those magazines and then I have to help Andrew and Clara from seeing them AND wanting candy and gum. Wow! What a pain!

Self-control…

It’s essential to teach it in this life to our children, and yes…to ME! Do you struggle with self-control? I do. I struggle with telling myself, “NO!” I want to eat too much. I want to sleep too long. I want to skip flossing my teeth. You name it. It’s a struggle.

Take a look at this…

This craft the kids made at church hangs in the homeschool room in our home. I saw it the other day and it struck me. What is it? It’s the “Fruit of the Spirit.” The Bible lists nine “flavors” of the fruit of the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23 tells us what they are:

²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

I asked Pam, “Why is Self-control at the top of the hanger? Is that on purpose?” She said, “No.” I thought about it and I said, “Well, perhaps it should be.” I’ve thought this for a long time. In fact, I think I read it somewhere (so, it’s not original with me), but if the gist is this…if you have self-control, then you have the other 8.

Think about it…if you have self-control you’re going to show love and you will choose joy. If you have self-control you will be peaceful and you will be patient when you would rather unload your feelings on someone. When you have self-control you will be kind and not mean. If you have self-control you will be good and faithful. A person who has self-control will stay faithful in all things. Including to his wife or a lady to her husband. If you have self-control you will be gentle instead of being rude. Parents, this includes how we treat our children. I sometimes struggle with this too. In fact, I struggle with it a lot. I come home and often I find myself being less gentle with my children than I do with total strangers. Lord, help me.

My point is that I am growing to believe that the Apostle Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit placed self-control last for a reason. Think of all the problems that could be solved if we had self-control. We wouldn’t hate. We wouldn’t overeat. We wouldn’t be selfish. We wouldn’t be in debt. We wouldn’t cheat on our spouses (even on the computer, men). We would keep our word, our promises and our commitments. We’d show up on time and we’d think better of others than ourselves in all circumstances.

So, I have just sighed. I’ve stopped typing…

…..hmm….

………….

I’m thinking long and hard about this. Do I just muster up self-control? Is this just a process of “willing” myself to do better? No. Impossible. I’m still in this jar of clay and there’s no way I can do this in my power. I’ve got to continue to surrender myself and my will to the Father. I’m being sanctified day by day. Sanctification is “being made holy,” and I’ve got a lot of surrendering to do.

Let me show you some pictures of my mom’s side of the family. She was a McNiel before marrying my Dad and these are some pictures from a reunion we had this past weekend.

Here’s Clara and Andrew spending time with Pawpa Brown (my Father)…

I’m so blessed to have such a loving mother and father, Dave and Kathy Brown.

They do so much for me and my family. I couldn’t begin to list all the things they do for us on a daily basis. We live right beside of them and it’s a tremendous blessing.

We had a picture made of the family after the meal…

Afterwards, I took Andrew and Clara out to the church cemetery. We always meet each year at New Hope Baptist Church in Purlear, NC (right near my home).

You might ask, “Why in the world did you take your kids out to the cemetery…that’s so morbid.” Well, I don’t intend for it to be morbid. I just want to teach them about their ancestors. Here’s Andrew and Clara at the grave of my mom’s father and mother.

See the name beside of Clara? That’s her namesake, Annie CLARA McNiel. Talk about a lady! My grandmother, Clara was some kind of godly lady. She was truly “salt of the earth.”

Now here’s what is very interesting. Clara and Andrew noticed that many of the graves were like this…

“And such it is with life,” I told my children. I told them, “The Bible says that ‘life is like a vapor.'” And indeed it is. This tombstone was almost completely “gone.” Some of the tombstones dated back to the late 1700’s. I talked to the children about life and death. It was a great teachable moment. I told them that many in mom’s family were getting older and would pass away in the next 10-20 years and then, (assuming they are still alive), they would come by and say their gravestone. Clara said, “I want people to know I was a Christian.” I said, “Clara, there is nothing better that you could wish.”

And she was right. And if she learns how to surrender and develop self-control, she will be remembered as a good Christian. Truth is…Clara has better self-control than I do. My seven-year-old is teaching me!

One last thing… Speaking of family…Katy wrote a very nice blog post about her mother. It’s a tear-jerker. You can read it here…

 

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