As you know I’ve been sharing of late about Katy and Josh. Many, many people have emailed me and told me, “Thank you so much for sharing their story. It helps so much to see that there is another way for a young man and young woman to discover their mate.” I appreciate the fact Katy and Josh are open to their lives being…well…so “open” to the world. Truth is, the “another way” that is so often said to me is the Scriptural way. It really should be the “only” way for Christians. However, I’ve discovered that once most “Christians” begin the dating game, the peer pressure is so great and immense, that they can’t get out of it. It’s like a drug that controls their lives.
So, my hope is that the parents of a younger generation (probably under the age of 10), yet to “casually date” on the “meat market” of the “love turnstile,” will be open to this “another way.” Katy has chosen to never date. She has been ridiculed and maligned, even by Christians. Yet, now look at the reward. Is it worth it? Ask her. She’d tell you in a heartbeat, “You better believe it.” Truth is, if you ask Josh if he could do it over, would he have gotten involved in the dating scene and he’d tell you in a heartbeat, “No way. I should have waited for Kathryn.” Just so you’ll know “Kathryn” is what he calls Katy, which is her full name (named after her Grandmother, Kathryn “Kathy” Brown).
So, parents, if you are reading this. The choice is really yours when your children are young. You can load them up with Nickelodeon and all the “teen shows” and “dating” and let that set the grid system in their brain. You can let them have “boyfriends and girlfriends” in the 2nd and 3rd grade. But, there is a price to pay. You decide if that price is worth it. You see, mom and dad, if you don’t begin when your children are young (I mean 5, 6, 7 years old…that young) talking about these things and planting the seed in the mind of what their future can look like, then they won’t embrace it when they’re 12 or 13. It’s too late. The concrete has already dried and busting it up is way too painful for most to start over and they won’t do it.
In fact, many parents like their children dating. They think it’s kind of cool that their son or daughter is a hot commodity. That kind of vicarious living is so sad. We must set the bar according to Scripture, not the world. Dating is something that we’ve done only in the last 50-60 years. Prior to that people followed the teachings of the Bible. Today we go the way of “Happy Days,” the “Fonz” and “Richie Cunningham.” You know…a new guy or a new girl with each coming school year. Oh yeah, that’s who they dated in the 8th grade or was that the 9th grade. Oh well, who can remember? But, they will remember. Every kiss, every hug, every caress… Just given away…given away…thoughtlessly and carelessly.
You say, “Wait a minute. My child is telling me the person they are seeing now is the ONE.” Hmm. Do you really believe that? Do you know that very, very few relationships make it through high school into marriage today. 50 years ago those relationships did, but not today. We’ve got TV shows like “Friends” and “Seinfeld” and “Jersey Shore” to thank for that. Don’t like them any more, dump them. No strings. Just end it. You can even end it on Facebook today or maybe even with a text message.
But put one of these on…
Well, that will require a “divorce.” But, why should we be surprised. They have been having “mini-divorces” for years. Funny, you can “date” someone for a couple of years and then drop them and everyone says, “Well, they probably got tired of each other.” It’s amazing! It’s like we don’t even blink an eye at these young people splitting up after these long-term relationships. I mean they tell us, “Mom/Dad, he/she is the one.” And then when he/she isn’t what do we do? We say, “That’s a shame.” Oh, it’s more than a shame. It’s a divorce. Your son or daughter has just had a divorce. Can you see that?
Is it any wonder that we have a 55% divorce rate in this nation? It shouldn’t be. They’ve been practicing how to do it since they were about 13 years old. So, I offer to you now Josh’s story of asking Katy to marry him. It’s a marvelous testimony of a young lady (even though she is my daughter) who did it the right way. Now you might say, “You’re being smug.” No I’m not, honest. Or at least I don’t mean to be. I’m just stating the truth. She DID do it the right way and God is blessing and honoring her for it.
Matthew 6:33 is true. “Seek FIRST the kingdom of God and His RIGHTEOUSNESS and all these things will be added to you.”
When you seek God first and you seek to be righteous, He will bless you. That’s a promise!
“It is not good…”
When I look back at my life I think of moments. Moments that I was sad, happy, hurt, content, nervous and on and on and on. I remember when I rode a bike for the first time without those training wheels, it was a red Huffy and I was above the clouds. My mom was full of joy and probably relief that I didn’t fall right over :). I remember when I was in the fourth grade and I ran into a boat propeller and gashed my knee open, it hurt so bad. It was the first time I had really hurt myself and there was blood everywhere, and in that moment I thought I was gonna die… Two stitches later I was just fine.
I also remember lying in my bed with my bags packed waiting for my dad to pick me up and him never showing up. Even to this day when I talk to my dad I remember how I felt all those nights when I was left waiting. I remember all the years I lived with my mom and her alcohol addiction. How most nights I was scared of what would happen next, and all the times I put my life in danger trying to protect hers.
I remember my first football game at West Wilkes High School. My first win on the wrestling mats, and my first mile I ran in track. I remember my first car, it was a 1999 Honda Accord and it would fly. Unfortunately, I remember my first ticket as well. I remember the night I fell on my knees in a prayer chapel in Hendersonville NC, with no one around, I gave my life to Christ and made the biggest decision I’ll make on this earth. I remember walking into the Marine Recruiting office and making the decision to serve in the military.
I’m not gonna bore you anymore with everything I remember because there are so many things I could say. God has brought me out of so much and He continues to protect me and put moments in my life. Last week I did something I had never done before and that’s propose. God has put the most wonderful woman on this earth in my life, and I know without question she is the one. It is something that was in development for months, as Kathryn and I learned and spent more time with each other. I knew it was time to take the next step in our relationship when it was hurting both of us every time I left.
Seeing the tears in her eyes as I left completely broke my heart and I knew it wasn’t good for us to be apart any longer. I have read Genesis a couple of times and there is a verse in Chapter two that means so much more to me now that I’m in love and engaged. Chapter 2 verse 18 Then the Lord God said “It is not good that the man should be alone, I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now that I’m back in Cherry Point at the Marine Base away from Kathryn, I totally understand that now.
Before in my life I never really thought about Adam and Eve and the love that they shared. God literally made Eve perfectly for Adam. I can’t even imagine the love they shared for one another. God made Kathryn for Me and Me for Her. And I have realized it really isn’t good for me to be alone. Since I left this last time, I truly am more lonely than I have ever been. It feels like I’m just missing something, and that something is Kathryn. She is my helper, and I know it’s God’s will.
Asking Kathryn to marry me is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I can not even begin explaining how nervous I was. I was shaking and my heart was beating so fast and hard. It couldn’t have been healthy. Thankfully she said “yes” right away or my heart may have exploded. That’s something I will never forget. The way she looked right into my eyes, she didn’t even look at the ring or anything. The box could have been empty and it wouldn’t have even mattered. Her eyes teared up and she put her hand over her mouth and tried to pull me up to wrap her arms around me. I had to push her hands back just so I could put the finger on her hand. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. It truly was perfect and I wouldn’t change a thing.
I’m gonna end with this. I was watching a movie the other day, and the couple in it had been dating for years, and had experienced everything together already. At the end of the movie they finally got married and when the priest finally said, “Now you may kiss the bride,” and when they kissed nothing was different, because it was something they had been doing for years. I say all that to say, that first kiss is supposed to be sacred. The priest was giving permission to finally kiss. That’s why Kathryn and I have decided to have are first kiss on her wedding day.
When Kevin, her father, finally gives us permission, it’s gonna be well worth the wait! The wedding is 4 months away on Nov 10th, and I know it may seem soon, but why wait when you know you’re supposed to be together, when you know it’s God’s will.
Well said Josh, well said!!