I’m so blessed to be married to a wonderful, supportive and dedicated wife. I know what you may be thinking, “You are being sentimental because we just finished up with Valentine’s Day.” Well, that may be part of it, but the truth is, she is my helpmate and I’m blessed beyond measure!
She is the consummate pastor’s wife. She truly is selfless. In the middle of homeschooling our four children and helping me to edit my book, she took on the job of helping coordinate a meal for a family that lost a loved one in the church. She made numerous phone calls and coordinated a meal for fifty people? She was cooking at 7:30 am this morning. Why would she do that? Let somebody else with more time do it, right? After all, she’s busy. That’s not how Pam thinks. She believes in showing “hospitality.” She knows there is a cost to true sacrifice. She models this to our family. Christians are commanded in Scripture to show “hospitality,” and she takes that command seriously. We try to have people over to our home that are new to the church often. She will put something in the crock pot on Saturday night or early Sunday morning so we can have a meal ready when we get home from church to share. I’m thankful she thinks ahead and is even willing to cook! 🙂
We basically have two sets of children. Katy and Kandace are 16 and 13, while Andrew and Clara are both 5.
Pam and I are “one flesh” in the eyes of God and Pam is certainly my more than “suitable helper” in many areas. Her wisdom and insight are amazing. She is more “intuitive” than I am. I’m A to Z and very “type-A,” while she is more even keel. She helps me see things that I’d miss otherwise. She is my best friend and I trust her unequivocally. I’d rather spend time with her than anyone. This is important as married couples. I counsel many married couples that have their own set of friends and go out regularly with those friends while leaving the spouse behind. This is dangerous. An occasional outing is certainly fine…but, beyond that it, when it becomes “common,” it can be very unhealthy.
Honestly, Pam and I don’t get as much time together as we would like right now, (like most married couples today). We have to make the time and that usually comes at about 11 pm at night. (But, I’m going to be taking her out for a belated Valentine’s date on Friday night-I was at the funeral home Monday night.) We understand that we’re in a season of our lives where we know our children need our attention, training and love. It takes much time to be a parent. Pam has never been selfish and said, “I’ve got to have ‘me time.'” I appreciate that about her since we live in a culture that almost demands it.
If there is a function going on at church, she’s there. She never says, “that’s not my thing.” She participates and supports the ministries in the church whether they are “her” thing or not. You gotta love that as a pastor. Not all pastors I know have that kind of support. She helps me so much. She makes our ministry stronger. Notice I said “our.” It is a “combo” ministry.
Some ministers are actually “hurt” in the ministry because their wife is uninvolved or chooses to even be “all about the family.” What is the family? The “family” in eternity is the family of God, not just our immediate family. There is a balance here of course. We can’t sacrifice our family on the altar of serving everybody else’s families, but many go the other way and are unengaged with the church. If a pastor’s wife is only taking care of “her” family, what does that say about her? What does that say about how she feels about the rest of the church? If there is work to be done at the church or a function there, then Pam packs up the kids and makes sure we’re at church…right on the front row or first table (at our Wed. night meal). (No hiding…when they aren’t there…everybody knows it…and that’s how it should be…accountability in action.) We truly are ministering together as a family. What a blessing!
I’m grateful for Pam. I don’t want to put her on a pedestal, because she is an imperfect human, just like me and just like you. But, what is she? She is dedicated and totally committed to the family, the church and most of all…our Lord. That’s what makes Pam, who she is. She is a follower of Christ and her desire to follow Him is an inspiration to me and others. Thank you darling! Thank you for somehow finding that right balance and doing it well! I love you with all my heart and am honored to serve the Lord with you!